Urns

     Perhaps I should warn you that this may be a rather morbid post, but you probably guessed that from the title.  Anyone reading this that knows me personally will know that I have recently had a death in my family.  A very aggressive cancer took my step-father a few weeks ago, exactly ten weeks from his diagnosis.  I was with him a couple of weeks before he passed, giving me the opportunity to say good-bye.  When I returned home, I went to work in my studio and dealt with the situation in my own quiet way.  Knowing he wished to be cremated, I made an urn.  I made the one in the middle and carved it, but I am not quite sure that it is big enough.  Since making it, I have held the surprisingly heavy box that holds his remains and done a little reading about the capacity needed.  He was a big man, therefore we will need a big urn.  I returned home a little less than a week ago after his memorial and made a few more urns which are a little bigger.  The one on the right is the largest and will probably be big enough, but I will make one more a little larger just to be on the safe side.  Clay shrinks.  A lot.  It shrinks initially as it dries, then again in each firing.  I sometimes feel as if it is a cruel joke to see the miniature finished product knowing how I struggled with the initial large form.  I am becoming stronger, but it is still a stretch for me to throw very large pieces.
     This process has been good for me in many ways.  We all have our own way of dealing with things.  I am not one to show a lot of outward emotion and I don't always have a lot to say, but my mind is constantly moving.  In the studio I work out these thoughts with the flow of my work.  The turn of the wheel calms and balance is found.  At times it quiets my thoughts into mediation, while other times they stream forward.  I always find it interesting to make a piece for a specific person.  They are always there in my mind.  Sometimes I do not know the person well and it is like a shadow hovering in the corner.  When it is someone I am more familiar with, they are entirely present throughout the process.  It is an amazing way of clarifying someone's significance in my life.